Fat Git Enterprises

fat git enterprises - principal staff

The Staff at Fat Git Enterprises have been very carefully selected from a list provided by the Metropolitan Police with the assurance that they are all very much sought after.

The Laird of Kincavel - Principal Shareholder

The Laird

A Scottish Landowner of the most unprincipled and brutish sort, the Laird of Kincavel conducted his own version of the Highland Clearances in 2009, sweeping all crofters, fisherman, peasants and tourists from his estate. Never having had the experience of wearing trousers, the Laird is unaware of the use of pockets and, consequently, has never given any money to anyone ever. His shareholding in Fat Git Enterprises was granted against his promise to remove his claymore from the throat of the previous owners.

Captain Horatio Footpowder - Chairman

After a couple of weeks' service in the Royal Navy, Captain Footpowder was employed on the Woolwich Ferry where, after several years' experience, he rose to the rank of Man-Who-Wipes-The-Ropes. Horatio's extensive inside experience of several Government-run security institutions has equipped him to be an excellent Chairman.

Lobelia Bumsnit - P.A.

Miss Bumsnit's many fine and obvious qualities are mostly of a nature which should not be mentioned on a public website. However, it should be noted that she smells frightful first thing in the morning.

Sir Francis Duckhusband - CEO

Sir Francis has several certificates of sanity (none current). His complete disregard for the feelings of others makes him an ideal CEO.

Arnold Wiblett - Company Secretary

Arnold Wiblett would have appeared in the Guinness Book of Records as the World's Most Boring Man if anyone could have been bothered to enter him.

Dirk Trouserleg - Sales Manager

Dirk was appointed Sales Manager because he has a razor moustache and was able to provide his own Ford Cortina.

Amanda Throat - Personnel Manager

Amanda handles the staff with enthusiasm and a modicum of hygene.

Godfrey Carrington-Slug - Marketing Manager

Carrington-Slug (ex-Eton, ex-Guards) would probably be regarded as an excellent Marketing Manager if only we could find out what Marketing Managers are supposed to do. His contribution to the Entertainment Budget is both enormous and negative.

Jelly-Roll Higginbottom - Production Manager

Higginbottom is a bit Working Class and may have risen above his station.

Sue Pinner-Mugge – Catering Manager

Sue is a graduate of the Lucrecia Borgia School of Catering. Her dumplings are preposterous.

Mrs Threbleton - Secretary